The Earth is too cold!

The earth is too cold! Brrrrrr.

Florida and California have HUGE populations. Why? Because they are one of the few places that are warm year-round. The rest of us have to freeze for half the year. Have you ever been to Iceland? Probably not...because it just sounds too cold. Actually Greenland is colder than Iceland...but I digress. You see, there is a country that is called "Iceland". Yet, I haven't heard of a country called "boiling-water land"! Why? Because the Earth is cold. There isn't any major continent that is too hot to visit. But this frigid planet has plenty of spots that are too cold. For example: Antarctica. Antarctica is a giant continent that is made of pure ice. No one spends their vacation time in Antarctica...we all flock to the warm places. The Beach Boys sang it well: "Aruba, Jamaica ooo-I wanna take ya".

Everyone wants to live where it's warm. If you were to take the earth and divide it into thirds, you would find that 90% of the world's population live in third that is closest to the equator. It's like the world is standing around a campfire...because the rest of the planet is just too dang cold! What a waste of the other two thirds!

So the greenhouse effect? I'm all for it. Which brings up another point...why do humans even build greenhouses? It's because the air is too cold to produce desirable plants without them! So what are we worried about...that the earth will become a giant greenhouse? That suddenly we all live in Hawai'i? That tropical plants would grow in any climate? We ought to melt all that ice and start to heat things up! Think of it: A GIANT greenhouse! Wouldn't that be great?! The problems of American obesity would be solved because we could all go outside and play year-round! Our gardens would flourish, and Canadians would finally stop the sport of curling! "Bermuda, Bahama...c'mon pretty mama".

Republicans have been trying to warm the earth for years. But in spite of their best efforts, scientists have shown that the earth has only risen in temperature by 0.8 of a degree in the last century. C'mon guys, we can do better than that! Less than one crappy degree in a hundred years!?!